I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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