this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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