the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
