Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
