Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
