I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
