Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
