I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
