Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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