What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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