I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
