hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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