i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
