..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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