Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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