i was born a porn star she said
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
