I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
