make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i dont even know how to be here
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
