Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
