OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
