oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
