You were right. It hurts to walk today.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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