yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
