I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
