4 words: hood of his car
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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