win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
