A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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