I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
