rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
