i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
