who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
