there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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