real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
