my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
