Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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