i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Boobs are out for the taking
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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