im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
