Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
