Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
