Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
