made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
