I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
