I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
