I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
well you can't waste a boner
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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