At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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