dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
