Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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