Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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