Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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