dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
